Reclaim Your Relationship with Food: A Gentle Start

Okay, let’s talk about food—not just eating it but our relationship with it. Most people don’t have the food noise constantly playing in the back of their heads, but for some (like me and maybe you), food has become way more than just fuel for their bodies. It got wrapped up in emotions, memories, social lives, and sometimes even self-worth.

But imagine if you could stop constantly thinking about food, enjoy what you eat without guilt, and listen to your body without being afraid of what it will say. That’s what we’ll cover in today’s blog post!

Sharing from my personal journey toward food freedom, I will open up about the lessons, resources, and eating habits shifts that helped me heal almost thirty years of a messed-up relationship with food. We all deserve an enjoyable and overall good relationship with food and to feel good in our bodies and minds! No shame involved!

Ready for your gentle start?

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What Does It Mean to Be in a Relationship with Food?

So, you’ve probably heard the phrase “relationship with food.” But what does it really mean? Well, think about your closest friends or family. You have a history with them. You’ve shared good times and bad, know their quirks, and care about them. It’s the same with food.

Over time, we build a relationship with food. For example, our childhood, our culture, and even what we see on social media influence this relationship. Sometimes, that relationship is healthy and supportive. But for many of us, it’s more like a rollercoaster of emotions, guilt, and restriction.

Getting Personal About My Relationship With Food

For example, directly tied to the cultural aspects of food in my Latino culture, my family used food as a coping mechanism and as the center of all celebrations. We overrated and ignored satiety body cues when we were sad AND happy.

I didn’t learn many other copying or celebratory mechanisms beyond food, and my relationship with food started that way.

At the same time, I am also a woman who grew up in the early 2000s and was obsessed with fashion magazines and romcoms. You can only imagine the messed up messages I received about food and my body (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, I highly encourage you to watch this video).

Food was the enemy; the only way to be lovable was to be thin, and the only way to be thin was not eating.

Even inside my family, I had conflicting messages coming from the older women (also dealing with the same messages from the media), yo-yo dieting, making use of diet pills, and immense feelings of guilt around their food intake when not aligned with their current fad diet.

What An Unhealthy Relationship With Food Can Look Like

With so many contradictory messages, it’s no surprise that an unhealthy relationship with food was the outcome. I loved food. I feared food. I was annoyed and remorseful about food. And at myself.

In my late 20s, I slowly realized that I tied my self-worth and mental health to “how good” I was around food.

If it was a day where I followed the diet and went to bed hungry, it meant I was a great person deserving of all the good things in the world.

In the same way, if it was a day that I slipped up and ended up eating out of the plan… I was a bad person and didn’t deserve anything good.

Unfortunately, the more I talk with other women, the more I realize this is not a unique experience. Most of us grow up with conflicting messages and negative emotions about food surrounding us from all sides.

But there is hope! The first step to healing your relationship with food is to understand it, and that’s precisely what we are doing.

Let’s talk about different food relationships and how we can create a better one.

What Are Different Food Relationships?

As I’ve just shared, your relationship with food will vary according to your upbringing, family history, and media consumption.

Food is not just fuel and a list of nutrients; everybody has, in one way or another, a type of relationship with food, even if they don’t realize it.

To help you identify where you may be, here are some of the most common categories. Please remember that these are not rigid boxes, and most people can relate to aspects of several categories:

The Dieting Diva

This person is always on some diet and focusing on weight control. They might skip meals, count calories religiously, or avoid whole food groups. It’s like being in a toxic relationship where you’re constantly walking on eggshells, and the enjoyment is basically gone. 

The Emotional Eater

Food is their go-to comfort blanket. They turn to food when they’re stressed, bored, or sad. Emotional eating it’s like using food to band-aid over your feelings (sadness, worry, etc) instead of dealing with them head-on.

The Food-Phobic Friend

This person is terrified of certain foods. They might have food allergies or intolerances, but it goes beyond that. It’s more like a fear of eating anything that might be “bad” for them; sometimes, even perceived healthy foods don’t feel safe for this group.

The Food as Reward

This is when food is seen as a prize for good behavior or a way to celebrate. While it’s okay to enjoy special treats, it can become problematic if it’s the only way you know how to reward yourself. 

The Food as Punishment

On the flip side, some people use food as punishment. They might skip meals or restrict themselves severely as a form of self-discipline. 

The Intuitive Eater

They know that food matters and have a healthy relationship with food. It involves listening to your body’s hunger and fullness cues, enjoying a variety of foods without guilt, and honoring your cravings. 

These are just a few examples, and everyone’s relationship with food is unique. But the bottom line is, if your relationship with food is causing you stress and anxiety or making you feel bad about yourself, it’s time to make some changes.

Let’s talk about how to do that next because change is possible, and you have the power to transform your relationship with food.

How to Heal Your Relationship with Food

Now that you know more about some of the different types of food relationships and, hopefully, can start identifying where on the spectrum you might be, it’s time to dive deeper into some actionable steps to help you heal your relationship with food.

I have intentionally been on this journey for almost five years now. Today, I have a completely different relationship with food than when I first started. But it has not been an easy road. It had ups and lots of downs. I tried many different things. Some were helpful, and some just made things even more complicated.

I still have challenging moments and days with food, but thankfully, I can detach my self-worth from what’s on my plate and cannot even think of the last time I had a binge eating episode. That, for me, has been the biggest win!

With that being said, these have been, in no particular order, some of the most helpful behavior and mindset shifts in this process.

Keep in mind that this is a journey, not a destination. Everyone’s healing timeline will look different, so focus on your progress and wins instead of comparing yourself to others.

Listen to Your Body

Our bodies are incredible machines that know exactly what they need. The key is to tune in and listen. Start by paying attention to your hunger cues. Are you really hungry, or are you just bored or stressed? Or, are you really not hungry, or are you just nervous about letting yourself snack?

When you eat, focus on the food’s taste, texture, and satisfaction. Notice when you’re feeling full and stop eating before you feel uncomfortable. In the same way, getting a second serving of pasta is okay if you are still hungry! Trust that your body knows how much it needs.

Ditch the Diet Mentality

It’s time to break free from the endless cycle of dieting. Easier said than done, I know, I know…

One thing that has been helping me is to focus on nourishing my body with wholesome foods that make me feel good instead of restricting food groups or counting calories.

I have also been using this to create a new relationship with food, one of excitement and fun.

For example, as much as I can, I go to the Farmer’s Market on Saturday morning and talk to the vendors about what fruit, vegetables, meats, and bread they have that week, what’s in season, and what would be the best way to cook each thing.

Seeing how passionate these farmers and small business owners are about their products makes me passionate about turning their labor into delicious meals!

After that, I pair my buys with what is already on my fridge and plan my menu for the week. This helps me to give each dish a new meaning.

It’s way harder to feel guilty about having roasted potatoes for dinner when I know how much love went into them before they made their way to my plate.

It may sound silly and naive, but this slight mindset shift has been helping me immensely in slowly leaving the diet culture behind.

Practice Mindful Eating

Mindful eating is all about being present and enjoying your food. Create a relaxing eating environment, free from distractions like screens. Take small bites, savor the flavors, and pay attention to the textures and smells.

I am not able to practice mindful eating at every meal, but I do my best not to eat while I’m working. Whenever possible, I make a point to sit at the dinner table and set the mood with a playlist or eat my breakfast sitting in the backyard, enjoying the early morning birds.

Do whatever is possible with the resources you have. It doesn’t have to be perfect to work.

By slowing down, you’ll be more in tune with your body’s signals and less likely to overeat.

Make Peace with Food

Give yourself permission to enjoy all foods without guilt. Restrictive rules often lead to cravings and overeating.

At the beginning of my journey, I worked with a registered dietitian specializing in intuitive eating. She asked me to make a list of all my “trigger foods,” meaning the foods I was too afraid to keep in the house because I thought I could not control myself around them. She challenged me to pick one and stock my pantry with it.

I thought she was out of her mind, but I went ahead and tried her method.

I started buying a few cans of condensed milk every time I went to do my weekly groceries (see, one of my trigger foods was brigadeiro, a traditional Brazilian dessert I grew up with). For the first months, I really couldn’t control myself and made brigadeiros almost daily. I gained a few pounds, and it was scary, not going to sugarcoat it.

But after a while, the frequency started to go down until I even forgot I had condensed milk in the house.

This happened because I finally removed the label “forbidden food” from the poor can. Of course, I would go wild anytime I encountered it before; it was forbidden, and I didn’t know when I would have it again!

But after my brain understood this was just regular food, and I could have it at any time, it lost its spell.

Today, I happily make my brigadeiro around once a month (usually on my PMS) and enjoy it guilt-free.

Honor Your Cravings

Building upon the point above, instead of suppressing cravings, acknowledge them. Then go ahead and satisfy them mindfully.

Most of the time, when we try to avoid cravings, we end up eating all the healthy alternatives, not satisfying the craving, and ultimately caving in and overeating the one thing we wanted initially.

Why not cut to the chase and enjoy your craving instead of suppressing it?

This will save you so much emotional distress (and even calories, if you are counting).

I’ve realized that when I’m craving a brownie or ice cream, the craving usually goes away after a few spoons or a piece.

I would have thought this type of statement unreal a few years ago. I was afraid I was going to succumb to sugar if I allowed myself to eat wherever I was craving!

It turns out I just needed to learn how to trust my body and myself again.

Seek Support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Surround yourself with supportive people who lift you. Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist can provide valuable emotional support.

Consider joining a support group to connect with others who understand your struggles.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, need more structure, or have the suspicion you might be dealing with an eating disorder, seeking professional help from a registered dietitian or therapist can be a game changer!

A Gentle Start On Reclaiming Your Relationship With Food

Healing your relationship with food is a journey, not a race. It’s about progress, not perfection. I hope this guide offers a gentle starting point and provides practical steps to rebuild a healthier connection with food.

Be patient as you explore these ideas and find what works best for you.

Nourishing your body and mind is a lifelong process. You can create a sustainable and fulfilling relationship with food by practicing mindful eating, challenging diet culture, and developing body positivity.

Trust your body, listen to your intuition, and enjoy the journey. Small steps can lead to big changes!

Have you started your journey to food freedom? How do you see your relationship with food?

Let me know in the comments!

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